Oftentimes humanity goes through relationships that generate enduring affection, esteem, intimacy, trust, and feelings of safety around other humans. Upon landing on earth, through parents, particularly our moms, we arrive at humanity's primary reception committee, and when you are fortunate you find the reception committee in its ideal completeness, with both your parents being there to usher you through to other humans. It is in this primal space of reception that we learn to later differentiate family from acquaintances, associates that include neighbors, classmates, colleagues, team members, and so on.
In this process of differentiating we realize that there are those amongst this maze of relationships, we will accord the special status of friends as we go through phases of growing and maturing. Our giving of the title of friends will either be informed by the utility value of the relationship, the pleasure we derive by entering into that friendship, and/or the goodness of just being in a relationship of mutual trust and admiration, or a combination of the three. Within our families, we would have relationships that are based on an obligation of biology first, and then love that is anchored on the proximity of influence attached to the reception obligations attached to being a member of a family, and the blood solidarity that works better when the characteristic of mutual affection between people becomes the dominant emotion above the family obligation one. The essence of being biological brothers is adversity and love-inspired rivalry that remains perpetually vulnerable to eroding the friendship that should make you stick together outside blood-defined relations of solidarity.
Stepping out of the reception community of family introduces you to humans you knew that are out there and will be strangers to you, from those that make your familial self to be stranded and thus see them as strangers you get introduced to those you would legitimately claim you know. This first level of knowing is at all times biographical as it is based on knowing who they are, where they live, who are their parents, and their first impression disposition to being in a relationship with you. As you know each other the emotion of liking each other kicks in as the first scaffold through which the closeness of claiming to understand each other and thus being close to each other as friends settle in. It is inside that understanding of each other that guard is lost in favor of enduring intimacy without which your collective esteem and trust of others from the platform your relationship might not be easy.
The capacity to love at all times is generally earned in moments and memories humans create of and for each other. It is through the bonds of experience and allowing oneself to be genuinely vulnerable in front of a friend that the process of iron sharpening another can start. It is the piercing power of friendship love that refreshes the soul of another, especially when friends get into the mode of 'encouraging one another and building each other. As much as this influence of good friends builds the other, so will the bad of a friend corrupt the other.
The Bible teaches us that 'anyone who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of God'. It is therefore important that we cultivate reliability in our friends, for without it friends come to not only ruin but can easily separate. The world is unfortunately full of 'perfume and incense type of friends that only bring joy to the heart, and yet cannot be brave to give the pleasantries that come with heartfelt advice', irrespective of how inconvenient it can be. True friendship is thus about honoring one another above yourselves, 'you should be a friend in order to be befriended'.
The Bible teaches us of the intimacy of friendship in one that existed between Lazarus and Jesus. The Bible tells us that word of Lazarus being sick was sent to Jesus at one of His crusades doing the work of His Father. Upon hearing of Lazarus' sickness, Jesus continued with His ministry work, and after two days ordered His disciples that they were going to Judea. After a respectful exchange with His disciples about His safety in Judea, He reminded them that 'Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but I am going to wake him up'. As the disciples continued to discourage Him not to go to Judea, because of the threat to His life, they argued that 'if Lazarus is asleep he will get better. He then rebuked the spirit of death that put fear in His disciples about the possibility of Him dying, by telling them that 'Lazarus is dead' and He is going there...so that they may believe. Thomas, Jesus's most evidence-based disciples agreed with Jesus that let them go, but he in fact told other disciples that if Jesus were to be killed they must go 'that they may die with him'.
The only time Jesus used the resurrection power of God and gave death its first blow and defeat was when He went to Bethany. Lazarus was a friend to Jesus, the rest were His disciples. It is Lazarus that Jesus felt the greatest pain about and was raised from the dead. He called him out of the tomb. The resurrection power Jesus invoked was not one we will all go through, but the instantaneous one which repudiated the devil and demonstrated that the keys to life are with Jesus. The Bible records that Jesus wept, all could see His pain, and all started to question the extent to which His healing power could reverse death. In that anguish about His friend, he ordered the tomb to be opened, and called to life his friend He declared earlier that he was asleep.
The relationship of Jesus with Lazarus was a special one. He traveled to the end of His mission, took the keys the prophecy reserved for Him to repudiate death, and went into the domain of Hell and rescued greats such as Moses and many others that needed salvation to earn the right to eternal life so that He can give life to His friend. In this story, we learn How his disciples were not His friends, and only Lazarus was. They earned to be called friends, whilst Lazarus was chosen as a friend and not a disciple. In fact, in John 15:12-15Jesus says to His disciples, "My command is this; Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no other than this; to lay down one's life for one's friend(s). You are my friend(s) if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants.
As you ponder who are or should be your friends, know that brother can be blessed with the spirit of friendship when love, respect of and for authority, and commitment to the good of all reigns in that family. You should know that as being adversarial to each other as a family is a portion for siblings it is their love for each other that cleanses the real wounds that come with being adversaries.
Notwithstanding, a true friend, who may also be a sibling, accepts you for who you are, sticks around in all weathers of life, celebrates life with you, makes time to see you, and tells you the truths everybody knows you don't want to hear, and does not only love your success but encourages you to achieve your goals including working with you to make sure you succeed.
This piece is dedicated to all that I call my friends and they call me their friends. It is dedicated to all that are friends because they want to be befriended. Please receive my prayer for you. Father, help the reader to be a friend. Help the reader to reach out and befriend. In Jesus's Name Amen
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